I have slowly been discovering the joys of poetry over the past couple of years. What first began as an annoyance with flowery language has blossomed into many experiences of self-discovery and connectedness with God. Several semesters ago I took a humanities class and had the opportunity to discuss Rilke's Book of Hours for about a week. It was difficult to pick one poem to include in this blog, so I put in couple instead. If you ever get the chance, read the entire book. It's a beautifully enriching and spiritual experience.

Ich Glaube an Alles noch nie Gesagte

I believe in all that has never yet been spoken.
I want to free what waits within me
so that what no one has dared to wish for

may for once spring clear
without my contriving.

If this is arrogant, God, forgive me,
but this is what I need to say.
May what I do flow from me like a river,
no forcing and no holdong back, the way it is with children.

Then in these swelling and ebbing currents,
these deepening tides moving out, returning,
I will sing you as no one ever has,

steraming through widening channels
into the open sea.

I believe there are moments when we all see the great potential that lies within ourselves and want nothing more than to shine through and glorify the God who made us through the things we can do. With that realization of the power we hold within ourselves, of course, comes the knowledge that we are utterly dependant on God to do and be all, because he is the source of all our strength. When we walk with Him we walk with all His power and glory.

Ich bin aug der Welt zu allein und doch nicht allein genug

I'm too alone in the world, yet not alone enough
to make each hour holy.
I'm too small in the world, yet not small enough
to be simply in your presence, like a thing-
just as it is.

I want to know my own will
and to move with it.
And I want, in the hushed moments
when the nameless draws near,
to be among the wise ones-
or alone

I want to mirror your immensity.
I want never to be too weak or too old
to bear the heavy, lurching image of you.

I want to unfold.
Let no place in me hold itself closed,
for where I am closed, I am false.
I want to stay clear in your sight.

I would describe myself
like a landscape I've studied
at length, in detal;
like a word I'm coming to understand;
like a pitcher I pour from at mealtime;
like my mother's face;
like a ship that carried me
when the waters raged.

Although I love the entirity of this poem for one reason or another I can't help but be drawn to the lines that say, "I want to unfold. Let no place in me hold itself closed, for where I am closed, I am false. " I like it because I feel as though I am closed all the time, especially to those that I care about the most. I close myself to love in order to avoid pain. The fears that I have rage inside of me and prevent me from receiving the things that I cherish most, namely the love of those around me. There are some times that I do open myself up to love, but once I get the slightest feelings of fear I run, and it is then that I am false, because I tell myself all sorts of lies to get out of the relationship and save myself. I don't want to feel that anymore, I don't want my fears to be an obstacle anymore. I too "would describe myself like a landscape I've studied at length, in detal" because I have been disecting myself for the past year trying to figure out why I have these fears, so that I can overcome them. Now, at least I know why, now the only problem is... how do I overcome it?